Christmas 2020

 Whatever else we say or think Christmas was always meant to be a special time with great expectations. It should be a time to celebrate the hopes for the future, the love, happiness and togetherness with cherished family and friends, and the delight of giving gifts that honour it's symbolism. But this simply cannot always be and this year so many people everywhere in our world, (myself included), are facing a sad and lonely time. The global, international, national and local news are grim and gloomy. This is surely not what is meant by the most magical time of the year. I decided to rescue myself from a potential all consuming abyss. I had been simply unable to imagine my first Christmas without my mother, never in my life had I been to sit at any other table but her's. This was to be another of those "awful first events"...So I needed to rescue myself. Shake off the awful sadness of current world news, the overwhelming tragic local events, that were emerging and remember what day it was. Sure!... 'twas the night before Christmas. This was indeed Christmas Eve, now in our home when I was growing up this was the very most special and magical day of the year. I remember little customs my parents established that became family traditions. If this is to be a sort of new beginning for me, then I too must establish new traditions of my own. But right now, like countless more people, looking to the future it is a harsh reality. The very best thing is to start from a solid base and reflect on the happier memories of our past. So thinking of Christmases past I went off to explore in Christmas present. I bought some food and drink to enjoy, over the next days of restricted isolation and a lovely clutch of gifts for the cherished people in my life. In the happy process, I actually reflected on exactly why my parents loved Christmas Eve so much.

It was 1955, exactly sixty-five years ago that they first met. She was Barbara MacLeod, a very beautiful eighteen year old student, home for Christmas, from Glasgow. He was Willie Burns, a hansome twenty-three year old, junior marine engineer, home "on leave" from the merchant navy. Barbara, and her four older sisters had settled for a welcome rest and refreshing "cuppa", in Capaldi's, Central Cafe, in Cromwell Street "Narrows", opposite "Woolies", Stornoway, when the rather bold and dashing, Willie, followed in and gathering confidence approached, the rather proud youngest sister, inviting her to accompany him to the "Stephen Burns Limited, Staff Social", to be held in the Royal Hotel, on Friday 30th December 1955. By all accounts she politely accepted and was surprised to be given a ticket just as he dashed off. (The said ticket survives, I found it recently, having been lovingly keep in an album). But he hadn't established where and when they would meet, or asked where she stayed. But being Stornoway that would present no problem, eh!

Indeed Barbara quickly concluded that if this young man was determined enough he would succeed in his quest and find her. She was staying with her eldest sister in a newly completed council house, in Leverhulme Drive. Like many other towns in 1955 Stornoway was expanding with bright new social housing, to cater for the increase in young families and provide decent homes for more people. The residents in this street had not yet got to know each other, having only moved in about a month before. Willie had heard that Barbara's sister was a Mrs MacLeod, on the island people often marry to someone with the same name. But he did not establish exactly which house was their home. His quest therefore required him to knock on every door. Barbara waited patiently, and her brother-in-law teased her about her lost boy! The more she got teased the more determined she was to see him. Eventually he found her and they got to the party... Soon afterwards, they started to see more of each other, in Glasgow and Stornoway. They got engaged to be married on the 11th November 1956, and were married on 12th March 1958. They went on to have four sons and I am the second.

So as I wondered around in Cromwell Street Narrows, Stornoway, this Christmas Eve (2020), I took some time to reflect on a happier Christmas Eve. I also know of course why my parents celebrated...And of course, we must now ALL come together in the unity of friendship, even if we are apart for whatever reason. We will actually be here for each other, everyone, always. I would like to hope I rescued just a little of the symbolism of Christmas.

12 December 2020

 In response to some very kind comments to my last posts, where folk have suggested I compile these thoughts and reflections of mine together. I have been looking back over these writings during the past few weeks and others from further back. Indeed it would be really wonderful if my experience over the last few years could be of any use at all to anyone.

First I would have to say, I did what I did... to care for my dear mother as an act of unconditional love, therefore it was actually easy and as I have often said a huge privilege. But the aftermath of her passing has been so hard, painfully so. Nothing, not even the acceptance of dealing with a terminal illness, can prepare a person for the death of a loved one. In the past few weeks since my own loss a number of friends have sadly had similar experiences and there quickly builds a bond of empathy, as we convey genuine messages of support for the universal sorrow we feel... But it is impossible to find anything to adequately express the scale of this grief, though it is kind to try... No one can truly come to terms with the finality of death...the awful infinity of passing. It is futile to try. A huge void of negativity awaits, which is unpleasant and must be resisted. It is much more positive to embrace things with faith, love and hope. I have deliberately refrained from presenting a sermon here, as I am far from being wise enough yet to do so, as I have only just begun my journey. I am reminded of the old saying, " a little knowledge is a dangerous thing", and I certainly know that there are many much more knowledgeable than I am at present. I also have a personal need to retain my theological beliefs in a separate much more private identity as I explore this world. I am still gathering my pieces together and embarking in the processes of coming to terms with my loss, I have simply no idea how long this may take. But I now understand and can pass on the information that this must not be forced, rushed or pushed. The emotions of bereavement are very deep and highly unpredictable. It is best to allow the feelings to flow freely. It is excellent to talk about how things are, share memories, thoughts and feelings. I do all of these, and need to go back for more...There is no limit. Kind listening is like shared love it is limitless and carries on being multiplied.

Positivity is vital at this dark time of year, we usually need to invent massive doses of it, which explains why there are so many festivals of light throughout the world. I do think, it is so very hard to stay positive and try to be bright and cheerful when there is so little day light. So December presents a real challenge, every year and particularly this one. I know that I am a creature of the brighter time of the year and function better during the long days and short nights. So instead of simply wishing the winter away I personally need to increase my activity levels and focus on the special unique aspects of it. There are also opportunities to organize and plan things inside, outside and around our homes, for when the days get longer. I am very aware that for me there is a huge amount to catch up on and this something that all of us, probably, require to consider sensibly. I also know that physical endeavour can combat mental and emotional fragility. I intend to put these ideas into action. So maybe watch this space!

Just thinking out loud, in the dark, silence...